Obama Gets Tough N'Tender On Iran

We in Chelm love President Obama's ideas to help Iran cushion the blow of proposed sanctions. Here are some modest proposals to make things even easier for the long-suffering mullahs:

• Allow U.S. companies to export to Iran protest suppression equipment such as batons and tear gas, which can also be used to help traffic cops give directions and to evoke appropriate emotional reactions to His Late Holiness Of The White Beard And Stern Glare.
  
• Allow BP to ship underwater oil drilling equipment to Iran.
  
• Lift restrictions on shipments to Iran of stinking corpses so that Ahmadinejad can have some on hand to serve as visual aids before his next major speech on Israel.
  
• Lift restrictions on cultural exchanges so that the Enola Gay can be sent to Iran as a gift symbolizing the country's entirely peaceful nuclear program.
  
• Ease up on travel to Iran so that scholars such as Noam Chomsky, Norman Finkelstein, David Duke and Pat Buchanan can attend the next Holocaust denial conference in Tehran. And hopefully stay there, in their spiritual home.