Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Getting to the Heart of the Matter

We here in Chelm deeply appreciate the ways in which Arab regimes show their utter Chelmosity. Today's award goes to the Mubarak regime in Egypt, which has seized the initiative in stopping protestors from setting themselves on fire: "Egypt has forbidden gas stations to sell to people not in cars and placed security agents wielding fire extinguishers outside government offices."
How does the Billy Joel song go? "We didn't start the fire."

Another Great Triumph For Obama's Foreign Policy!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Bold New Style of the Tea Party House

We in Chelm are very excited about the bold new style the Tea Party House of RepresentativesTM has adopted in naming bills! Here is the actual header of the bill to repeal health care reform, and two examples of what we can expect to see very soon from these extremists, I mean representatives of the Will of the PeopleTM!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

"A quarrel in a far-away country between people of whom we know nothing."

At least Neville Chamberlain, the British Prime Minister who sold out Czechoslovakia to Hitler, admitted his own pig ignorance in his infamous disgrace of a speech to the British people. Our own day's Neville Chamberlains are comfortably ensconced at the New York Times, where they heavily censor reality and never admit error.

Still, reality's cold tendrils occasionally intrude even into the Sacred All-The-News-That's-Fit-To-Print-Room. Carlotta Gall reports the following sickening news: "Cheering crowds have gathered in recent days to support the assassin who riddled the governor of Punjab with 26 bullets and to praise his attack — carried out in the name of the Prophet Muhammad — as an act of heroism. To the surprise of many, chief among them have been Pakistan’s young lawyers, once seen as a force for democracy."

Hmm, "seen as a force for democracy." When I was a baby journalist, I was taught to avoid the passive voice as if it were an anthrax-ridden letter bomb. The passive voice, I was taught, is the last refuge of scoundrels wishing to conceal responsibility (as in President Ronald Reagan's waffle on Iran-Contra, "Mistakes were made.") So, who was it who saw these fresh-faced fanatics as a force for democracy? Why... no, it couldn't have been...

"Pakistani lawyers, who fueled serious political opposition to General Musharraf when he first suspended Supreme Court Chief Justice Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry last March, have courageously taken the lead in protests since the imposition of martial law on Saturday [November 3, 2007]. An incongruous sight in their business suits during street fights with police, they have spoken eloquently of how the general’s suspension of the Constitution and abolition of the court grievously undermines the modern, reform-minded country Pakistan was meant to become." ("The Gathering Storm," Editorial, New York Times, November 8, 2007)

But lest disturbing thoughts enter the minds of Times readers now, Ms. Gall solemnly passes on without filter or countervailing comment the claims by the leaders of the lawyers' pro-assassination movement that they are "interested only in ensuring the rule of law" and are "liberal, not religious conservatives." So what we have here is a regular bunch of Pakistani Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jrs., who just happen to believe that your freedom of speech is trumped by their freedom to cut your head off.

One must conclude that the New York Times is continuing its fine tradition of lulling its readers to sleep with reassurances that totalitarianism is really nothing to worry about.

Original Intent?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Mossad scavenging Arab secrets?

Saudi Arabian officials have "detained" a vulture on accusations of being a spy for Israel, media reports say. (BBC News -- we in Chelm are dismayed that the Beeb didn't fulfill its mission by getting PETA to condemn Israel for exploiting vultures.)

The Constitution: Read It and Weep, Boehner

First Amendment... oh shit, this ain't gonna make Focus on the Family happy... Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion

All right!! Second Amendment!! A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State,... hmm, the NRA's not gonna like that...


Fourth, Fifth, Sixth Amendments... goddamn soft-on-crime Founders... Fourteenth Amendment... we've gotta change this one... All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.