Thursday, July 8, 2010

Tears for Terrorists

What is it with female reporters of international news organizations weeping over dead terrorists? First we had the BBC's Barabra Plett saying on the air in 2004 when Yasser Arafat was dying that "... when the helicopter carrying the frail old man rose above his ruined compound, I started to cry... without warning." Now we have CNN's Octavia Nasr twittering that she was "Sad to hear of the passing of Sayyed Mohammed Hussein Fadlallah... One of Hezbollah’s giants I respect a lot."

The difference between the two cases? Plett kept her job and the Beeb defended her, while CNN fired Nasr forthwith, despite her explanation that what she respected about Fadlallah was his progressive views on women's rights. (Tom Lehrer once remarked that satire died the day Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... but it dies anew every day.) The reason for this difference, of course, is that Chairman Keffiyah was only interested in murdering Jews, while Fadlallah's beloved Hezbollah also murders Americans, which is Not Acceptable And May Even Qualify As Terrorism. Although who knows... Nasr may soon be acclaimed as a woman ahead of her time if the Obama Administration's professional appeasers get their way and start "engaging" with the "political wing" of Hezbollah. If they do, may the memory of hundreds of dead U.S. Marines, embassy officials and CIA Case Officer William Buckley be a curse upon their foolish heads.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mission Imponderable

"NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a recent interview that his 'foremost' mission as the head of America's space exploration agency is to improve relations with the Muslim world."

What a fabulous idea! We here in Chelm have come up with a number of specific ways by which Bolden could fulfill this mission:

  • Figure out how female astronauts can get into a spacesuit while wearing a burqa
  • Keep the acronym for the agency but change what it stands for to, "Need Allah-Serving Astronauts"
  • Prove that the Kaaba Stone is not in fact a meteorite but actually emanates from heaven
  • Use the Hubble Space Telescope to locate the endless supply of virgins awaiting pious suicide-murderers
  • Repurpose the "Star Wars" system to target and instantly destroy any perceived slight to the Prophet Mohammed
  • Use strategically placed space mirrors to spell "Death To Israel" in letters fifty miles high
  • Design an electron microscope to locate Arab governments' contributions to modern science
  • Fill the planned Mars mission with leading Islamist luminaries such as Sheikh Hasan Nasrallah of Hezbollah, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran and Osama Bin Laden. But don't arrange a return trip. (Sorry) (not)