Monday, June 21, 2010

A Bad Day for Academic Explanations of Terrorism

The klutzy would-be Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad pleaded guilty in federal court today, and when Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum asked him about "the people who were walking in Times Square that night. Did you look around to see who they were?" the would-be murderer replied, "Well, the people selected the government; we consider them all the same." Then he tripped over his untied shoelaces and banged his head on the defense table.

Drat. How they gonna explain that away? Also, the cantankerous dumbass didn't say a thing about Jews or Israel. So I went and asked my favorite professor at Facetious U. (which is just down the road from Chelm) how this can be explained in light of the theories of Drs. Mearsheimer, Walt, Judt, et al.

"Easy," he said, "did you notice the judge's name?"

"Well yeah, she's probably a member of the tribe. So?"

"And his defense lawyer?"

"Philip Weinstein--oh no, you don't mean..."

"The fix was in," the professor said happily. "His Zionist lawyer persuaded him not to mention Israel, because the Zionist judge would only throw the book at him. And it was probably a Zionist who sold him the faulty propane tanks in his bomb."

"Wow! Now it all makes sense. Israel is to blame after all. Thanks, Professor Chomsky."

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