Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Mission Imponderable

"NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a recent interview that his 'foremost' mission as the head of America's space exploration agency is to improve relations with the Muslim world."

What a fabulous idea! We here in Chelm have come up with a number of specific ways by which Bolden could fulfill this mission:

  • Figure out how female astronauts can get into a spacesuit while wearing a burqa
  • Keep the acronym for the agency but change what it stands for to, "Need Allah-Serving Astronauts"
  • Prove that the Kaaba Stone is not in fact a meteorite but actually emanates from heaven
  • Use the Hubble Space Telescope to locate the endless supply of virgins awaiting pious suicide-murderers
  • Repurpose the "Star Wars" system to target and instantly destroy any perceived slight to the Prophet Mohammed
  • Use strategically placed space mirrors to spell "Death To Israel" in letters fifty miles high
  • Design an electron microscope to locate Arab governments' contributions to modern science
  • Fill the planned Mars mission with leading Islamist luminaries such as Sheikh Hasan Nasrallah of Hezbollah, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran and Osama Bin Laden. But don't arrange a return trip. (Sorry) (not)

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